Feeling iffy about posting this, but I guess I’ll go for it!

I had wondered what my views on adoption would be like after becoming a mother. What do I think of it now, having stepped back a bit, and yet, having gained insight into the parent-child relationship?

I’ve realized now that part of the answer lies in this post, where I talk about people rejoicing over each other’s engagement and baby news. The thing is that everyone knows that marriage and parenting are challenging, yet they STILL are genuinely thrilled for other people to enter the journey. Some have hands-on knowledge and others are still waiting for their turn to come, but not lacking in insight.

So many people can vouch for the joys of marriage and raising a child (or two). If they don’t share about the rough patches, it’s not that they’re being dishonest or insincere. It’s just that the trials are worth it, a part of God’s design.

There is something of a loss of innocence that comes about once you’ve come over to this side. Having a “soul-mate.” Being responsible for a little person’s life. I’m not sure if I can put it into words, but there’s no going back to your former state. You become vulnerable in new ways. Your heart is divided in a certain sense. There is pain in loving deeply.

And that’s how I feel about adoption. I’ve seen some of its darker sides. I’ve felt the sting of disappointment in dealing with the policy/bureaucracy side as well as the relational side. I’ve seen adopted children and their families struggle to start their new life together. I have siblings who are adopted. I cannot paint a pristine picture. And yet, I weep for those left behind.

So why would I weep for those left behind, if adoption brings such turmoil? It’s because I still think children (of all ages) need a permanent home. It’s because I still believe that adoption in a relational and legal sense is the best option for orphans and the one that fits into God’s design. When we say our marriage vows, we know we will have conflicts with our spouse in the future. We can prepare all we want, but no one can tell us exactly how it’s going to be. No one has seen this exact combination of personalities put together, and no one can read the hearts of all involved except for the Lord.

I am an adoption advocate. Whenever I meet an orphan, I desire with all my heart for that child to find a family. However, I cannot recommend adoption to just anyone. I cannot recommend it enough, but at the same time I cannot recommend it without certain caveats. I’m not sure if I expressed this the way I intended, but in the next week or two I’ll be sharing some more specific examples.

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